Sayings That Make Absolutely No Sense
Words have been around since the first cave-woman grunted to the first cave-man to pick up his saber-tooth towel off the cave-room floor. Since then words have evolved into a comprehensive, all-encompassing art form compiled of thousands upon thousands of dialects and languages.
But every now and then there comes a long a string of words commonly used and accepted in today‘s society that makes you wonder what the grunt those troglodytes were thinking.
“Don’t know him from a bar of soap.”
Origin: (Australia/New Zealand.) Unknown. Some speculate the origins hark back to the bible and it being a variant on, “I don’t know you from Adam.” This theory falls flat however because as we all know Australians and New Zealanders are all Godless heathens that don’t read.
Really means: You literally cannot tell the difference between a human being and a hygiene product.
Verdict: Corrective eye surgery may be required.
See Also: “Don’t know him from Adam”/”Don’t know her from a hole in the wall.”
“Off to see a man about a dog.”
Origin: (Ireland.) The first recorded use of the saying was in 1866 in Dion Boucicault’s play, Flying Scud. Which is funny in its own right. Its meaning often used to excuse ones absence or departure and to conceal ones true agenda.
Really means: You are going to see a man. About or around, a dog.
Verdict: You like dogs. A lot.
See also: “Off to see a man/woman about a horse/budgee/rabbit/etc.” Every animal except cats. No one likes cats.
“Flat out like a lizard drinking.”
Origin: (Australia.) The Aussies are at it again with this pearler. Its meaning often used to convey extreme action or activity. For example, “I couldn’t pick up my towel because I was flat out like a lizard drinking.”
Really means: Have you ever really seen a lizard drink? Please watch the video below.
Verdict: See how slow that was? If you stand by this saying and all it denotes then either you, yourself are in fact a lizard or a council worker.
See also: “Flat out like a lizard on a rock” or “flat-stick.”
“To beat around the bush.”
Origin: (Great Britain) It is commonly accepted that to, “beat around the bush”, one does, how do we put this, in not so many words, shall we say, not get to the point, rather, directly. Often considered a hunting reference where hunters would lazily beat around the bush (hee hee) seeking to flush out their intended prey rather than dive headlong into the wild, thick, brush.
Really means: That would be telling.
Verdict: Get your head out of the gutter.
See also: Cut to the chase. Cut to the Hecuba.
“Don’t piss in my pocket and tell me that it’s raining.”
Origin: (Yep, you guessed it. Australia.) To ‘piss in ones pocket’ is to employ flattery. It is quite startling to suggest that someone would attempt to curry favour by partaking in the soaking of ones trousers and then seek to lie about it. But then there was R-Kelly.
Really means: Someone has urinated in your pocket. Upon questioning they have told you it is in fact rain. You have called bullshit.
See also: “Blow smoke up your arse” and “You can’t bullshit a bull-shitter.”
So there you have it, clear as mud, useful as tits on a bull and better than a poke in the eye with a blunt stick. If you have any you’d like to add, comment below and we can clear it up for you. We’d love to hear from you.