Ben Affleck as Batman: Why he won’t suck

“I am the man who beat you.”

With these chilling words the world was thrown into turmoil as it was announced the Caped Crusader would finally mask off against the Man of Steel in Zack Snyder’s, MOS 2.

The twitterverse exploded in a frenzy of buzz and speculation as to who would don the cowl. Rumors ranged from the inspired (Gosling) to the intriguing (Gordon-Levitt) to the bizarre (Streep).

“Ben Affleck is Batman.”

With these chilling words the world was once again thrown into turmoil.

Now I can understand your misgivings. We’ve all seen or heard of Gigli or know someone who was affected by it. And we’re acutely aware that the best thing to come out of Ben’s first foray into the superhero genre (Daredevil) was Mrs. Affleck.

But enough of that, I’m here to quash the rumors, to say nay to the naysayers, and show you that there is some light at the end of the dark knight tunnel.

The reason is quite simple; Ben Affleck is Batman.

Let’s see how.

Batman leads a dual life. By day he is Bruce Wayne: Playboy. Billionaire. Philanthropist. At night he becomes the masked vigilante and crime fighter, Batman.

Ben Affleck leads a dual life. By day he is Ben Affleck; Actor: Playboy. Millionaire. Philanthropist. At night he works in secret as a director and becomes, Ben Affleck: Oscar Winner. Argo going on to pick up Best Picture at 2012’s Academy Awards.

Batman’s major haunt is Gotham: a crime ridden hellhole, populated by a freak show of scum and villainy who thrive by preying on the weak.

Affleck: LA.

Batman’s height 6”2. 210lbs (95kgs)

Affleck’s height 6”2-4. With Snyder (300) we’re finally going to see a Batman that can kick your ass. All due respect to Mr Bale, it was his performance that made the Bat menacing. With Affleck’s sizeable frame we’re going to see a wizened Bats take on Cavill’s younger and guileless SM. And not just take him on. Beat him.

Batman suffered a great tragedy early on, which shaped him into the much-revered hero he is today.

Gigli.

Batman has Robin.

Ben has Casey.

I could go on but I think you’re getting it and dinner’s ready.

So you see the question is not how can Affleck play Batman, but who else could? Except for Keaton. And Kilmer. And Clooney. And Bale. And West. And Lowrey. And Wilson. Yeah, except for them. And with Mr Breaking Bad himself, Bryan Cranston, set to play Supe’s nemesis, Lex Luthor, 2015 is gearing up to be one for the (comic)books.

Ah, wordplay.

Mitch out.

Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na, Butt-man