Musicals Any Man Can Watch
1) Grease (1978)
Cars. Summer lovin’. Travolta. 1978’s Grease is hard to go by. It’s got a kick arse soundtrack, a Californian backdrop and a lasting message: don’t be yourself and everyone will like you. Wait. What?
Humunahumunahumuna
High Point: A leather-bound Olivier Newton-John.
2) Les Miserables (2012)
Do you hear the people sing, singing the song of angry men? You’re damn right I can! Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. This Frenchy sing-a-long stars Wolverine AND Gladiator AND Catwoman. If you’re not man enough to watch this hand ‘em in right now.
Got wood?
High Point: When Gladiator attacks Wolverine for saving Catwoman.
3) Little Shop of Horrors (1986)
Finally, the musical about a meat eating plant from outer space we’ve all been waiting for. This obscure, little piece of Americana takes us on an exploration of…um – it’s about a talking, singing plant from outer space that eats people. Word.
Directed by Yoda and featuring a veritable who’s who of comedy including Rick Moranis, Steve Martin, James Belushi, John Candy and Bill Murray.
Bite me.
High Point: All those names I just said.
4) Anything Disney.
If you don’t like Disney forget about being a man – you’re not even human! Disney has been making grown men for weep for eons. I challenge you to watch the Lion King and not to feel something when Vader takes a dirt nap. And now, with the re-release of the Little Mermaid (easy boys – half girl / half fish may seem like a good idea) from the vault, I think it’s high time Disney gives the fans something new.
Easy boys.
High Point: Any time an animal/inanimate object sings.
5) Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street. (2007)
A quaint little tale about a barber who cuts people’s throats and makes them into pies. And what food is manlier than the humble pie? Said manly pie filled with literal manly ingredients. It begs the questions; how do real men shave their beards? They don’t!
Got Beef?
High Point: Edward Scissor-Hands getting all snip-happy in your junk.
Honorable Mentions: The Blues Brothers (1980 – They’re on a mission from God) Jesus Christ Superstar (1973 – It’s got TANKS!) & Team America (2004 – Fuck Yeah)
Of course, the correct answer to the question: What musicals can a grown man watch is: ANYTHING I DAMN WELL LIKE TO STEVEN! If you care about what others think then you’re not a man at all and instead some 16 year old girl with a new haircut.**
So there you have it. If you feel there’s anything missing off the list by all means jot it down below. If you’re man enough.
Mitch out.
**Apologies to all our 16-year-old readers. Your loyalty is appreciated and your hair looks fabulous.
